Wow, long blog, long story, luckily this will probably only be ever read by me :). Ok so one of my best friend's Jenny gets really sick and doesnt sleep more than hour a night for 3 months up untill now. Me being the "say what i think at the moment" guy that I am say things to her about it that can be read multiple ways but I always meant the good way. I didnt mean to make her worse, or make her stressed or ruin her life. My other good friend robert isnt talking to me because "i manilpulate" jenny into doing my bidding or something and i forced her to get a puppy and then gave her a guilt trip or something. Which i dont think is true when I discovered it wasnt working out I was happy to take the puppy and find a different home. I must admit i am a controlling person but non intentionally I just sort of do things.. how i think they should be done at that moment, i dont want to be selfish or rude or a jerk. I think i am sincere just shallow sighted I am so sorry everyone for complicating and adding drama to your lives. I am seriously considering going to a diffrent high school next year, it hurts to much to be here. People arent talking to me, people are hating me, people are saying things that are true and things that arent. I am being an attention whore (this is because I feel rejected) I am just this big confused mass of jerkiness coated with a charming exterior that soons peels away to reveal the piece of fly ridden crap that I really am. I sort of hope everyone reads this but then again I dont because it's too dramatic. But if some meridianite does stumble on this.....let me introduce the real me as you know me.
Hi, I am Aaron, a manipulative control freak who loves attention. My hobbies include ruining lives, being toxic and poisonous, rubbing my talents in other peoples faces and self loathing. My only true skill is controlling and being frankly...a man bitch. I can't remember the last "nice thing" i did that didnt end in sorrow. My friends all pretend to like me out of pitty or something. I am disfigured yet comfortably proud. I am ugly but not so ugly that people won't try to get to know me. I am shallow and I am the center of my universe. I apparently as people have told me am going to hell for all of this and having sleep overs with my best friend bobbi sue. I like being the center of attention and I like going for the laughs, I like meddling and I like getting compliments even if I make them happen. I have no respect for anyone else and I am lazy pompous and self concious all at once. I enjoy others suffering and am out to damage and persicute. I pick on those with weaker personalities than me.
The Real me that I know....
Hi, I am Aaron, an unintentionally manipulative but well meaning gimp who loves being recognized for things that deserve it. I care deeply about what "people in general" think not so much individuals. I worry about what I say and how it is taken after I say it, I am not sure how I fit in the world yet. I am ugly and havent had a geniuine crush on someone in a long time because of fear of rejection. Nobody talks to me and I am scared my friends are leaving me so I butt in on conversations. I dont play sports, I do drama. If I am good at something or its fun, i get excited and do alot of that for awhile and thats all I talk about. I am very worried about my weight and my looks. I am not sure if I am actually anorexic or not. My weight jumps scare me. I am worried about being the best, If I like something I dont want to suck at it. I care deeply for my friends but to be honest more about if they care about me too. I am sometimes very shallow but only by choice. I am lazy, and judgemental and often times toxic. I say what I think when I think it reguardless of the out come. I really love people, and I dont really get along with my parents. I am a self proclaimed jerk sometimes but I dont want to be. I am weak and worried about it, I have had large portions of my life just flash before me with my friends moving on, because of surgeries or sicknesses. I try to hold on to friendships. I am touchy. I am obsessed with dying my hair and I don't know why. I have damaged and steered lives ways that they shouldnt go, I have hurt feelings and made people cry. I have hurt myself and cried because of this. I'm sentimental emotional and confrentational. I am self centered, and competitive. I hate when people talk about things they dont know about even when I do it all the time. I tell people things I shouldnt and dont tell people things I should.
Because of incidences this year, I have changed... people dont like me because I changed. I can't change back, and neither can anything thats happened. I can't take back the rude things I have said and done. I can't make the people who hate me now like me again. I can't take back my lies and I cant take back my truths. I am sorry Meridian....I can't be who I was and I don't wanna be who I am, but I will...I hope you can like and forgive the new me, I wont say what I think and I wont control. I'll give in to all the little social tendencies I hated so much before. I'll go to church again if nessicary. I dont want to lose my friends and I dont want to be judged like I have judged I want to turn a new leaf even if it means leaving you.
I pushed limits I shouldnt have, I found and lost myself. Please forgive me for the things I have to do to fix what I set wrong. You dont have to talk to me or even acknowledge me, the year is almost over and then you wont have to think of me at all.
I'm sorry.
